Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
its liver damage thursday
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
