I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
