we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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