Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
