i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
