We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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