You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Randomize
