I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
