The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
