he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
