I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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