after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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