Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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