proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
