Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
