She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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