a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
