White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
