The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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