Your face is a jimmy john
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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