Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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