Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
