i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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