Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
