just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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