Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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