i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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