so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
