I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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