I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
