You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
