the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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