He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
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he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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