he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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