YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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