my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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