Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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