i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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