Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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