Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
