dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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