DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
