Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
