you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
