No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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