If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
