I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
