I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
