their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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