I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
