The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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