Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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