just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
