Got a toothbrush?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
