last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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