Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
