But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
