just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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