Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
