Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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