I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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