my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
