I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
