Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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