so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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