Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
