Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
