my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't think brook has ever known best
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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