I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He felt like a one man threesome
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
